The odd couple or in flagrante delicto or who is using who

Interesting little observation that on 12th Sept Lady Sarah MP for Rotherham (aka Patron Saint of Platitudes and all things nice- bless) made a speech in Parliament stating that despite a sordid past that led to it being called “the UK’s child sex abuse capital” really Rotherham is full of dedicated professionals who are all working their socks off and that things may be really good, honestly.

This doesn’t quite marry with a report published by the only ever public and independent enquiry, carried out by the Parliament Home Affairs Committee and published only a few months ago.

It suggested that Rotherham Council is still very much on the naughty step. So much so they have asked Ofsted to do a little extra homework to ensure that Rotherham is really walking the walk, not just talking the talk.

In contrast with this Lady Sarah (GCSE in Fighting Child Sex Grooming) has been talking to lots of lovely people at the Council and in the Police. Let us be fair it wasn’t just Akhtar, Shaun and Thacker, but many of their minions and Supercop Aziz as well. All of whom reassure her that Rotherham is now the Never Never Land of Child Protection, where Lions are brave and Scarecrows brainy. She has also convinced the Council to ask Bernardo’s to review their child protection systems.

Sadly their report was not available to we members of the electorate prior to her opening enchanting Parliament with wise words, then again she possibly hadn’t read it herself, But as we here in Rotherham already understand, facts, truth, transparency, openness aren’t really important when there is trust, a speech to be made and an election to be won.

We love and trust you Sarah, we know you’re on our side, honestly.

So does our Uncle Asbo…… ooops, sorry, Akhtar.

The day before her speech he sent a little billet doux (love letter for UKIP members) through twitter, wishing her best of luck with the speech. He must have been so excited as he waited to hear what she had to say.

The day of the speech he twice tweeted how brilliant she was and how the speech transcended those of Hamlet, Churchill and David Brent – OK I exaggerate , but only a little. They must have a true affinity, given that her eloquence was expressed in London while he wasn’t actually present.

The thing is, she in essence said what he’d hoped. That things here used to be awful back in the bad old days of Shaun and other mythical creatures such as goblins. But everything is super now, and here in Elfland we’re working really hard.

As we know English without a few expletives isn’t Akhtars strong point. Anyway he was so touched by her kind words he became a bit teary and through moisted eyes I think he read it as her saying “everything Shaun and Roger did was b****y awful but since Akhtar became deputy leader in 2010 it’s been perfect.”

Love can be blind.

There was one shadow over this little romantic exchange between Lady Sarah and her beau Akhtar. It was tainted slightly by his copying the Council Press Office into his tweet. Not very romantic, or spontaneous, A bit like texting your former girlfriend while on honeymoon.

But in fairness he’s possibly feeling a bit unloved and hoping for headlines to help his “keep me as leader (whoops deputy leader) or the MP and several Councillors gets it” campaign.

Will Akhtar keep his job, will Lady Sarah be released from the bondage of being forced to spout Council Press releases in Parliament? Can we be convinced that the choice of a 2009 cut off date for the Council’s inquiry is anything other than a shabby attempt to keep Akhtar’s activities since since he became Deputy Leader out of it?

Watch this space…

Wilhelmina Ewart