The Gala Opening of the Rotherham Metropolitan Comedy Club

“Today, Friday, I and my trusty companion Mr Lewis, the finest hackler in the country; attended the Gala opening of the Rotherham Metropolitan Comedy Club. We, as uninvited attendees, had to be squeezed in amongst the invited friends and families of the comedians.

The festivities had started in the green room where all the comedians were presented with a red rose to symbolise their membership of the national Labour Party of Comedians. The number receiving the roses was some what depleted this year because ten new acts are appearing; they go by the name of “UKIP if you want to I’m staying awake to watch the show”.

The warm up act consisted of a man in a top hat and fancy dress. Mr Lewis and my self came to the conclusion that he must have been a mime artist because he didn’t speak, though what he was miming is a mute point.

So on with the show, the master of ceremonies came out in fancy dress to open the proceedings. That fine stand up comedian “Lakin about”, did a sketch about some one called “Karate Barry”. Who after much messing around in the dressing room morphed into the new master of ceremonies.

It would seem he has either a problem with speaking or reading; which ever it is it should make his handling of the job of master of ceremonies interesting. He tried his hand at stand up but failed miserably, so he told us a tall story about how; because of his new position he would help the children of Rotherham.

These children are hungry poorly housed and unloved and he will change that, how long has he been a Metropolitan Comedian? I have a feeling he lifted this sketch from a Dickens novel.

Then up popped Maggie Clark who seemed strangely dressed for the occasion, with what Mr Lewis assured me was a black widow spider in her hair. She had taken the stage to thank the assembled comedians for electing to put her in charge of vice.

After this scintillating show of repartee and fancy dress miming, the honoured guests, not us,were told they could go and get pissed in the bar and the comedians would join them later.

We then had the spectacle of some one who I was told was Stoned, which as things progressed must have been true. Because every time one of the Tory comedians asked a question this portly balding guy would leap from his seat crying “The answer will be put in writing”. It was slightly amusing for the first couple of times but after the fifth time it became inanely boring.

As I gazed over the assembled comedians my eyes were drawn to a lonely figure it was one half of the Dinnington Sister Act; she was alone her sister having been replaced with a kipper who she refused to have anything to with.

The highlight of this Gala opening was when it was announced that Shouter Beck had been put in a cabinet. I am sure you will remember Shouter from his days as the compare at the Anston comedy club; where he called the police to a disabled pensioner because he tried to ask a question.

Much to Mr Lewis’s chagrin it would seem Shouter Beck had escaped from the cabinet and he has been found to be the missing international link. Also at some point he is going to regenerate, we look forward with great anticipation to this new part of Shouter’s act. We can only hope that after this pathetic showing the Metropolitan Comedy club will improve.

I have a news flash or it could be just a flash, as we were leaving Mr Lewis had to answer a call of nature, as he was about to urinate a Labour comedian self combusted at the side of him he asked him to put out the flames but Mr Lewis declined.”

Dave Smith

35 thoughts on “The Gala Opening of the Rotherham Metropolitan Comedy Club

  1. How can a person who has never had a job (His initials are B.E.C.K) be appointed to a Cabinet post promoting Business? He has no knowledge of the challenges SME’s face, he has no management experience nor work experience. There is one positive note; he will give up his seat as the Councillor for Wales, he’ll be too busy spending our money on jollies’ Promoting’ Rotherham.
    Comedy Club is the right description for a Borough Council that has failed miserably to learn from it’s past mistakes and the lessons given by the voters on May 22nd.
    Whilst on the subject of failure; Which bright spark decided Judy Dalton should be elected as Vice Chair of the Area Assembly? This is the same woman who on Wednesday evening at Anston Parish Council F&GP meeting cried loudly to the public and a departing Councillor “I WILL shout”.
    Methinks a Modicum of Decorum is called for especially in the Area Assembly.

    Good report and well written Dave.


  2. Dave.
    What a marvellous take on those dreadful and over bloated proceedings and this is how our money is spent! How self congratulatory they were, to hear them speak, Rotherham is Nirvana.

    The bumbling comments by the newly “elected” mayor re the children of his area being cold, hungry etc., was it meant to be heart wrenching? I like yourself could only wonder what he had been doing for the last 30 years. It seems since he has donned the cloak of “importance” he has become the saviour of these children. What thoughts were going through Joyce Thacker’s head as she sat listening? probably she had a few to think about after she left the meeting!

    In respect of Judy Dalton, the departing councillor told her not to shout at him – says JD I WILL SHOUT and did. It is worthy of note she threatened to evict the public – for what other than showing her ire, she then took out her mobile phone and threatened to call the police. What a truly courageous thing to do NOT and what a truly magnificent waste of police resources YES.
    However after such comments from the genuinely caring members of the public she backed down.

    Speaking of which we had Iain St.John laying into the public, attempting to blame the well known atrocious behaviour of Anston Parish Council onto the public. His display was the usual rude aggressiveness. At the end of the meeting in the public session, I told JD (unelected Chair) I was registering my exception to Iain St.John’s attempts at transference and that his rude behaviour was legion. JD tried to close me down at that point, I continued. I brought up the exceptionally vile, prolonged and aggressive verbal attack Iain St.John had made against an elderly and well respected member of our community, Why was Iain St.John not censured and turned out. Why this attack (and it was very serious) Mr Dickens had asked for an answer to his question.

    There you have it – Labour have learned nothing.


  3. Any contribution from the 10 UKIP comedians Dave? You know…questions or that kind of thing or were they just there in a non-speaking capacity? Perhaps the non-participatory style of representation that UKIP favours in Europe will extend to our town halls.


    • Robin, This post refers to the ‘Mayor Making’ meeting of the council. There is no debate on any subject for any opposition member to ask questions or engage in debate of any kind.
      Be grateful if you would check your facts before making an ignorant contribution and parading your prejudices for all to see.


    • “non-participatory style of representation ” It has been practiced in town halls long before ukip came on the scene ….. You will not have to look too far to see R this in action ..Open your eyes and take a look around at the crumbling wreck of a town that people have been left with .. My grandparents would all be very angry at what has become of what was once a thriving place.


  4. You are quite wrong Rothpol (not for the first time) and I think it is you who should check your facts before casting criticism. I have provided a link to the agenda FYI and agenda item 9 as you will see is ‘to put questions to cabinet members and chairmen’. You don’t need to apologise for calling me ignorant. I’ve become accustomed to your insults. BTW the Conservatives managed to ask questions so why couldn’t UKIP? Talking about parading prejudices for all to see – pot, kettle, black?


    • robin symonds @charlielard

      @rothpolitics is undoubtedly pro-UKIP. Responds with venom to anyone who expresses an anti-UKIP view.…
      Have you caught Akhtar’s disease, delusions?


  5. It’d be refreshing if the blog that ‘Watches Rotherham Council everyday’ applies the same approach to the members on the opposition benches as it does to the Labour members. For all their big talk UKIP have a lot to live up to bearing in mind the ticket in which they were elected on. If the first meeting was anything to go by it sounds like they are not going to put up much of a (well needed) opposition to the ruling Labour group.


    • Rothpol is looking forward to scrutinising the work of both opposition political parties on RMBC. In both cases they need a little time to organise themselves given the new reality is only two weeks old.


      • Be interesting to see if any of the new UKIP Councillors go the same way as some of the newbies from the past. Anyone want to remind us what happened to the BNP councillors? And wasn’t there some bloke from the John Lilburn Party who got chucked off the Council because he didn’t turn up for meetings?

        And lets not forget the electorate of Doncaster’s experiment with the English Democrats,


  6. We should be clear on what we are talking about the questions raised were to do with the previous minutes, UKIP were not present at that meeting. I should also point out that Lakin rose to second the minutes as a true record when one of his own members pointed out that he couldn’t do this because he was not at the meeting. A Tory member seconded them. UKIP were not in any position at this meeting to make any salient points, they should be judged and will be judged on their performance in the ordinary council meetings.
    Dave Smith


  7. Just what was the point of asking any question for the reply to be buried Stone stated at the start any questions asked would be replied to in writing so excluding any form of transparency at this council meeting
    No wonder our town and country and our once thriving industry is in the state it’s in with Labour Union Representatives like Robin Symonds at the helm is it Comrade
    Some of us can think outside the box


    • It just doesn’t wash to say there’s no point asking questions because you would only get a written answer. If you had something to ask then that shouldn’t put you off. If you didn’t have something to ask (and goodne3ss knows you usually have enough to say) then what the heck have you been doing in the 12 months you have been a councillor? It’s ok being able to think outside the box but are you able to speak inside the chamber because up to now you seem to have struggled in that regard?

      It’s a bit 1970s to blame union reps for the state of the country Caven, you need to keep up!


  8. Robin Symonds
    I was at the Meeting. What actually happened was this. This was the AGM, the meeting when the outgoing Mayor hands over to the incoming one. After an hour of boring back slapping speech making, the actual Council Meeting started. The Council Leader immediately stood up and said that if any question was to be asked, the no oral answer would be given, but a written response would be forwarded.
    Why was this ?, this apparently is a tradition that no questions are answered, so all the Cllrs can leave the chamber as soon as possible to attend the “knees up” at the New York Stadium. This is the very same Knees up we all pay for. These “knees up” cost around £9,000 a time.
    The Two Tories stood up several times to ask questions, swiftly followed by the Dear Leader to say they would get a written answer. What a farce, we pay them to answer questions not to fob them off, so they can go get Pis***d. One UKIP Member did stand to ask for the questions to be answered by was basically told to sit down.
    But here is the most interesting part of all, the newly elected Mayor was “bleating on” about how poverty stricken the kids in his ward were and how some of them went to school without breakfast etc, ( he has been the ward Cllr for years so it seems the reward for abject failure is promotion to Mayor) whilst rushing through the Meeting to go and have “drinkies” with his mates. What was best, was some of those mates were ex Cllrs who had been “invited back” for free nosh, at our expense. It seems that you can now have your snout in the trough whilst your a Cllr and again when you lose your seat.
    Then they wonder why they took a bashing.


  9. What doesn’t wash Robin is your weak apologist statements defending a failed Labour council that have taken away your members jobs to the tune of over a thousand. Youth workers sacked by telephone calls, care workers sacked, services cut and all you can bleat on about is whether or not UKIP asked a question. Why don’t you ask yourself the question after all the attacks perpetrated by the Labour Party in Rotherham on your members why are you still defending them? If I was one of your members reading your words on here I would be asking you to resign, because I would not trust you to defend me when you are obviously in bed with the bosses.
    Dave Smith


    • Please point to my “weak apologist statements defending a failed Labour council” Dave. I don’t recall making any; my antipathy towards UKIP is just that and other than in your imagination does not signify my defending Labour.

      Approximately 750,000 public sector jobs have been axed since 2010 yet UKIP think the government hasn’t cut fast enough! It would therefore seem unlikely that the local UKIP councillors will be looking to oppose the cuts. We might find out when they find their voice.


  10. What a wonderful summary Dave. I hope it is going to be published in the Rotherham edition of the “Star” and the “Advertiser”. It makes great reading. Please keep it up.


  11. I would like to know what UKIP are going to do to support the workers affected by the cuts> Practical measures please. I am very concerned .as especially (though it changes form day to day and Mr Farage says never read it) .the UKIP manifesto wanted more cuts, especially in the NHS..- and he’sat it again.
    Tories in disguise – not really – they are even worse.


  12. I don’t support UKIP but I support democracy no one as yet can point the finger at the UKIP councillors in Rotherham until they have been involved in full council meetings. They will be under scrutiny just as much as all the other councillors, and in some cases probably more.
    Dave Smith


  13. S K T are you blaming the UKIP for the cuts? Please note that I am NOT a member or supporter of ukip.
    If you keep on borrowing and keep on spending beyond your means for 13 years, you are going to end up in mess just like Labour has landed us in this mess. To sort out 13 years mess it is going to take as long to sort it out. Only Labour are to be blamed for these CUTS through their mismanagement whilst the were in Government. Billions spend in unwanted and unjust wars in Iraq & Afghanistan May be could have helped. Labour party has millions of innocent peoples blood on their hands can hardly blame ukip for all this!
    Abdul Razaq


  14. Abdul you are right about the amount of money wasted on wars that (Muslim extremists please note) the ordinary people of Britain never wanted. The vast majority of us are not Islamaphobes but want friendship, fair trade and peace. However I think it is fallacy to think that massive cuts are necessary. The quality of life in UK is now severely diminished because of a drastic failure to invest in things like health, education, public transport, flood defences, alternative energy, criminal justice, offender rehabilitation, youth services, employment training and robust regulation of banking, business fraud and the taxation system. The real problems are that the tax system is totally unfair with the middle classes bearing far beyond their fair share, while millions are wasted on unnecessary benefits for a massive swathe of unemployed people (when there is plenty of work that could be done with a properly planned economy, not one left to market forces), and rich individuals and multinationals contributing next to nothing. Also, when it comes to investing, this is being left to private providers who are only interested in sucking the country dry – witness the crippling burden of PFI deals, pathetic performance of back to work schemes, health services being farmed out and then failing, rip offs by energy companies, dreadful standards in care homes, a Post Office sold off despite providing a profitable universal service and chaotic and exploitative railway and bus services. We need a genuinely caring left wing alternative, not UKIP.


  15. Dear Mr Raziq,

    You seemed to have missed the point. I reproduced Mr Farage’s statement and asked for answers re UKIP’s none existent and ever changing (with the wind policies). I’m still waiting as ever. UKIP, like all parties, are under the spotlight policy wise now. Silence isn’t always golden.

    As for the cuts I blame the meltdown of unrestricted capitalism in crisis.The tories and libs have simply taken the chance with the bankers fraud and international greed to cut the services they hate and hit the poor they hate more. Until the crisis in 2008 both Cameron, Osborne, Clegg etc backed Labour’s public spending and said they would continue it. Mr Farage, being a ‘City Man’ and far from ‘clean’ financially is also using the crisis to instigate his far right wing economics and views. He says he didn’t read his party’s manifesto. I believe he is lying and avoiding its content as its is a vote looser.

    As for the wars in Afghanistan and Iraq I didn’t mention it but since you brought it up I will state my view. I didn’t and don’t agree with them. I believe Blair and Bush have blood on their hands; but so do the terrorists and undemocratic Governments in the region that kill and slaughter in the name of Islam; though I don’t believe they do – they’re simply blood thirsty terrorists using the religion as an excuse. (An old chestnut as old as religion itself). I don’t agree with apologist for terrorism of any form whether it be state funded or carried out by religious extremists. .

    Still I won’t be deflected. Come on UKIP councilors you are so vocal when it comes to complaining – and rightly so sometimes – but what are your policies. Silence isn’t always golden. Are do you have to check with Mr Farage first: although I hear Mr Bloom is starting a move to weaken his one man grip on what UKIP say and do..

    Now back to my point. UKIP councilors say they oppose the cuts; they’re leader wants to increase them. A split or one voice giving platitudes whilst the other enjoys his days in the sun.


    • Good point Sally. Locally the will oppose everything but Nationally they are to the right of the Tories who are doing the cutting. If they ever get MPs they will clearly back the Tories so until UKIP in Rham come up with a solution to the problems RMBC face with something other than leaving the EU or cutting immigration they will remain a bunch of protest voted in clowns


  16. Sally
    What policies you talking about and what manifesto you quoting from
    1 we was the only party to publish a 2014 local manifesto and can see nothing of what you refer to in that
    But I don’t recall a Labour Local manifesto being published only their leaflets full of lies and twisted truths
    2 we have not bullish end our main manifesto as yet. As have none of the other parties.

    Also Miliband bleats on about scrapping zero hour contracts. But Labour Rotherham Council fully support Zero hour contracts by laying people off then re employing them through
    Agency’s who operate zero hour contracts

    Also Labour have been in total power for over 50years \UKIP have been in opposition for nearly three weeks we attended one farce of a council meeting so come on Sally and all you armchair critics give a little slack to get settled in time will tell
    But one thing me and my fellow 9 new Councillors all had the guts to stand up and try to do something about it not just hide behind a mask and talk the talk


    • Caven,
      Bad luck on being selected as the UKIP candidate for Westminster for Wentworth and Dearne. It looks the least likely of the Rotherham seats to fall to UKIP at next year’s parliamentary election.
      But, now that you are moving onto the national stage; maybe you tell me the status of the UKIP 2014 Energy Policy document?
      …. and do you agree with it’s content ?
      In case you have never seen or read it, it’s here:-


    • Caven, I haven’t seen your local manifesto so I would be interested to know what the headlines are. I would be particularly interested to hear your party line on the proposed closure of 13 children’s centres in Rotherham and why none of the recently-elected UKIP councillors have lent any support to our public campaign to save the centres from closure.


  17. Regular reader
    From little acorns oak trees grow we was told last may by doubters on this site that it was a protest vote when I won the Rawmarsh Ward how wrong they were this election UKIP took over 2000 votes more than Labour I retained my Rawmarsh Seat with an increased majority
    So why do you doubt we cannot win all Westminster seats I’m ever the optimist
    Yes I do know UKIPs Energy policy and yes I personally do agree with it as I cannot really see any other more practical way forward in the short time we have to address the need to replace our ageing inefficient electricity power plants with ever increasing demand for affordable energy
    But then there’s arguments for and against UKIP Policy also would put the argument with the facts and take that to a binding referendum
    Which other party would offer you that


  18. Robin we distributed over 60,000 manifestos in our election campaign locally and if you really did your home work I did support and still do support the none closure of these centres
    Their are 50 Labour Councillors who support the closure of these centres and also by their actions support workers being employed on zero hour contracts
    People in glass houses really shouldn’t throw stones


    • When you say manifestos do you mean election leaflets? If you do then yours lists: – Protecting the greenbelt-opposing wind farms
      Cracking down on anti-social behaviour
      More police on the streets
      Cutting council executives and managers, not front-line services
      Control immigration
      Money for local services, not the EU or other foreign aid
      You’ve done what you always do and ended up talking about things that UKIP cannot deliver, even if you had a majority on the Council. More police is beyond RMBC’s control, as is the control of immigration and diverting money away from the EU and foreign aid.
      I believe I’m entitled to throw stones as I am not a Labour councillor. What exactly are you doing to support the “none closure” of the children’s centres? What are your UKIP colleagues (the official opposition) doing to oppose the closures? Next Wednesday is D day as the Cabinet will make its final decision. There isn’t much time for UKIP to show us exactly how you are opposing the closures. Have you and your UKIP colleagues signed our petition? If not, you can sign it online here and you can share it amongst your networks if you haven’t already.


  19. Cavan my original; question was about what UKIP are going to do to oppose the cuts: My reference was from the 2010 UKIP manifesto where it was stated spending should revert to pre 1997 levels etc. Here it is.
    Question contained in my reply to Mr Razaq:
    “I would like to know what UKIP are going to do to support the workers affected by the cuts. Practical measures please. I am very concerned, as especially (though it changes from day to day and Mr Farage says never read it) .the UKIP manifesto wanted more cuts, especially in the NHS..- and he’s at it again.
    Tories in disguise – not really – they are even worse.”
    Now I know you have only been in office for three weeks but you were elected on a party ticket so I expect
    you have have a firm and detailed grasp both on a local and national party line. As I do for all politicians:
    What stirred me to ask this? See the following article on Mr Farage’s intent.
    Also (although it disappeared from his UKIP web page) I also have concerns about Paul Nutall’s glee at more NHS privatization; especially his opinion the the NHS stifles competition: Thank God for screen grabs I say- quote in full:
    “I would like to congratulate the coalition government for bringing a whiff of privatisation into the beleaguered National Health Service. The fact that successive governments have undertaken what they call ‘substantial’ changes to the NHS should tell us all we need to know: there is something fundamentally wrong with how we treat the ill in our country.
    The NHS is the second biggest employer in the world, beaten only by Walmart, but as with all state monopolies, it is costly, inefficient and stuffed with bureaucrats. In New Labour’s NHS, for every nurse there is a manager and vital workers, such as midwives, are falling in numbers.
    The problem, however, goes far deeper. I would argue that the very existence of the NHS stifles competition, and as competition drives quality and choice, innovation and improvements are restricted.
    Therefore, I believe, as long as the NHS is the ‘sacred cow’ of British politics, the longer the British people will suffer with a second rate health service.”
    Paul Nuttall MEP
    Now to reiterate in my reply to Mr Raziq here’s my view on what to blame on the cuts.
    . . .
    “As for the cuts I blame the meltdown of unrestricted capitalism in crisis.The tories and libs have simply taken the chance with the bankers fraud and international greed to cut the services they hate and hit the poor they hate more. Until the crisis in 2008 both Cameron, Osborne, Clegg etc backed Labour’s public spending and said they would continue it. Mr Farage, being a ‘City Man’ and far from ‘clean’ financially is also using the crisis to instigate his far right wing economics and views. He says he didn’t read his party’s manifesto. I believe he is lying and avoiding its content as its is a vote looser.”.
    PS: if it was all Labour’s fault how come the crisis is world wide; now I’m not saying they were totally blameless .but I don’t buy UKIP (Tories and Libs etc) constant diatribe they were fully to blame.
    As for Zero Hours contracts its a scandal RMBC use then but I asked what is UKIP’s policy? Answers please. In addition how do you square workers rights with Amjad Bashir’s views?
    Now I am all behind you in the campaign against the closure of Children’s Centres (Front line Social Work was my career for over 35 years)- but apart from saying ‘no;’ what is UKIP’s plan of action and policy? Is there an alternative budget for this? Have you offered to work with the workers, unions and parties involved? What do you propose to help save them? Have you looked in to alternative funding or savings? It’s hard work but you have to have a detailed plan. I should know – I once campaigned and saved all jobs but mine. (so much for ‘arm chair’ critic) But then again I saw loosing my career, my health and nearly my home as worth it on a point of principal.Good luck with that campaign Cavan – but please don’t let UKIP shout and bawl – come up with a plan and tell us what it is. I trust you to do so.
    Just a point Cavan, Over the years on here I have debated with you and sometimes agreed and many times disagreed. However, I have never shown such disrespect for opposing views by using glib dismissive terms such as “come on Sally and all you armchair critics.” It sounds right out of Mr Stone’s phrase book that one.
    Point worth remembering: you don’t have to be an elected member of any political party have a voice or affect change. (Those that think that soon fall from grace) And for the record you will be soon seeing the new procedures many areas of RMBC practice – when you do think SKT and my family and Unison – we played a .part.
    Furthermore, regarding my ‘arm chair criticism’ I would prefer to call it asking appropriate questions, providing evidence and battling on. In addition (and some on here know) I have been campaigning and effecting change both locally in South Yorkshire and nationally on issues from worker’s rights (something Amjad Bashir seems to hate) to mending potholes and assisting others ‘sort out authority’ . I never asked for thanks or office or platitudes or publicity – but neither did I ask to be judged so and dismissively and rudely simply because I am not one of ten new councilors or a member of UKIP.
    SKT xxxx
    PS: note Roth pol isn’t just a UKIP site – or is it?


  20. I was wondering what our UKIP representatives are saying about Nigel Farage’s, alleged expenses fiddled, and if found guilty, should he be imprisoned like Denis Macshane, Gavin Reed etc?


  21. Pingback: News from the Parish Meeting on Wednesday 4th June | Anston Parish Council Watch

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