The Evening Sir Nutkin Came To Dinner
As Chairman of our local council I was invited to our Retired Miners Tea, and as I was a “Dignitary” I was seated at the top table. I was sat there with members of the committee and other “celebrities” i.e the Vicar. I was just tucking into my very enjoyable meal, when I heard the chairman remark to the secretary, ” that bloke thy invited has turned up “. I had my back to the entrance so had no idea who ” the bloke ” was. However the dialogue between the chairman and the secretary carried on. Chairman, ” thah better go un talk to him ” secretary, ” I’m not thee go un talk to him” chairman, “not my job thy invited him” secretary, “I dunt know him” chairman, “I do he wah a electrician at Maltby pit” secretary, “well thee go un talk to him then” chairman, “not my job, he’s stood ore theer nah”. Which meant this elusive stranger, that was causing all this consternation was now where I could see him; and there in all his glory was Sir Nutkin. It finally got the better of the secretary and he eventually invited him to sit down, opposite me. Now there is quite a bit of history between Sir Nutkin and myself, and his discomfort was etched on his face. Having got him comfortably seated everyone promptly ignored him and carried on eating. Although I must admit to a little bit of enjoyment in his embarrassment, I felt it incumbent on me to ask if he wanted some acorns, sorry, something to eat; through gritted teeth he said “please”.
The meal carried on with conversation continuing to by pass the “honoured guest”. When the meal had finished the top table cleared, and I was left alone with Sir Nutkin. At this juncture the secretary approached us, believing he was going to ask Sir Nutkin to make a speech; I was musing to myself about what pearls of wisdom we were about to hear. Then through my reverie I heard a voice say, “does thah want a pint Dave”? Please I promptly replied, and Sir Nutkin was once again ignored. At this point he thought it would be prudent to circulate and glad hand a few people; once again Sir Nutkin was rebuffed because bingo was about to be played. This excitement became all too much for Sir Nutkin especially when the chairman thanked we honoured guests for coming; and he didn’t warrant a mention. He made his excuses and left, as they say in all the best places.
Whilst in conversation, later in the evening with the secretary and chairman, I mentioned the fact that Nutkin had become a Sir. The secretary turned to the chairman and said, “I thought thah said he wah an electrician at Maltby pit”. I made my excuses and left. As I wandered my way home I couldn’t help thinking to myself, “I wonder what Sir Nutkins reaction will be when next years invitation arrives?”