Dr Do Little and Sir Nutkin Visit Dinnington’s New Police Headquarters
Dr Do Little, the South Yorkshire PCC (prats conmen and cheats) leader along with Sir Nutkin came to open the new Dinnington Prats Headquarters, which is a cupboard in the Resource Centre. Dr Do Little, who it is alleged can talk to pigs, says we “we don’t want our prats in dark cold damp buildings and those that do are out of touch”. Apparently it is not good for them, they may get repetitive strain injury lifting too many cups of tea and playing pool. Instead he wants boots on the ground.
So Dr Do Little and Sir Nutkin decided to hold a summit with the main people who represent our area; and have a grand opening of the prats cupboard. So they met with Anston Cricket Club, a very important community group; who were bowled over and knocked for six when they saw the cupboard. Dr Do Little proudly stated “this will be the hub for our prats in Dinnington” ; but there is just one little flaw in my plan, there wont be any prats in it. What we do have is two P.C.S.O.s (People who Can Shout Out) one will come over from Maltby on the bus, and the other, who has water on the knee at the moment, when fit will come over on her bike. There were gasps of admiration from the cricket club, in fact it could be said they went batty (no more cricket puns) at this cunning plan. Their spokes person is alleged to have said “this sounds the death knell for criminals in Dinnington”; Sir Nutkin nodded nuttily in agreement.
And so from a humble unmanned cupboard in the Resource centre the onslaught against crime and lawlessness in Dinnington; remains the same, none existent. But Dr Do Little and Sir Nutkin drove off into the sunset feeling proud of their achievement. Dr Do Little thinking thank god for that I don’t have to see this place again.
Now I don’t want the good people of Dinnington to think I am treating our new prats headquarters with any kind of derision. So I will tell you exactly what is planned. There will be no one in the cupboard, except if they have gone in for a cup of tea and a sandwich. You will not be able to report a crime there. You will not be able to phone this headquarters for assistance because it doesn’t have a phone and even if it did there would be no one there to answer it. In an emergency you can use the 101 cant get through number, if you do get through you will be speaking to some one who has no idea where Dinnington is. They will then contact Maltby, where a “Person who Can Shout Out” will be immediately dispatched. Well not quite immediately, they will either jump on the next bus or, providing her knee is better, jump on her bike and pedal furiously to your aid. So the new slogan for the prats is “watch out criminals there is no one about” For any further information you could attend the next home match of Anston Cricket Club they were there, I wasn’t invited.