I, and that finest of hecklers, Mr Lewis attended the Bland Comedy Club of Dinnington last night. The final performance before the summer break, and what a performance the blandness knew no bounds.
Unless of course you can take joy from that seasoned comedian Warbling Wardle whose mantra has become, “nothing to do with us that is R.M.B.C business”. This is used to fend off any unwanted question that might require an answer or decision.
I, in my capacity as comedy reporter, felt the need to ask a question of the assembled comedians:
Do the comedians feel it is right for the Dinnington club to have a comedian who is a member of the Woodsetts club, the Dinnington club and also the biggest comedy club of all Rotherham Borough? Or do they feel as I do that this is an affront to democracy?
This question briefly animated the warbler, he shook his head at me several times whilst trying to find a way to use his well worn mantra. Having failed in his efforts he then blurted out that afore mentioned comedian was a Borough comedian for all of our area. This brought to mind that well known saying, no shit sherlock.
My rejoinder that this was not the question I had in fact asked brought more shaking of the head. When I pointed out that if a person has a foot in two camps when it comes to decision making then that person would have a dichotomy. This brought a short interlude whilst they tied to find the meaning of the word, having failed the chair decided to throw into the fray the said comedian; this being I have a turnip named after me Tweed (prepare for the slings and arrows of Toxophilus). He began by listing the things he is involved in, in Dinnington which thus, according to him, proves his loyalty to Dinnington.
The question what about your loyalty to Woodsetts? fell on deaf ears. The chair said it was the system that allowed this to happen. When I pointed out that they chose the candidates and so were culpable, she said it was obvious they were never going to be able answer my question to my satisfaction. Mr Lewis, that finest of hecklers, stepped in and shouted “you could at least try”.
Ah well on to the real important and interesting stuff, dog faeces, no you have not misread I said dog faeces. There followed a heated debate on this sticky subject, it even allowed the warbler to trot out his mantra; this is nothing to do with us it is R.M.B.C. It is if tha stands in it heckled Mr lewis, and I am sure you will all know that the outcome was, make no decision.
I was somewhat surprised when one of the comedians, whilst sat beside two Borough comedians, one of witch was an ugly sister; asked if some one from the borough could come and explain the Local Development Framework. Doesn’t really show much faith in ones fellow comedians does it?
Once again the Bernard Manning of the bland comedy club, Mr Tweed, stepped up to the microphone. We and our fellow borough comedians from the Anston comedy club along with Kevin Barron M.P. are going to have a meeting with a couple of the top R.M.B.C comedians to put our case. This brought forth a flush to the cheeks of the warbler, he did not want us mixing with the Anston comedians. He felt that they may taint our comedians because they supported de brethren building on our green belt land. He was so agitated by this thought that he proposed that Dinnington should re-iterate its opposition to the plan, this was seconded but of course no vote was taken because this would have meant a decision being made.
Just before Mr Lewis and myself left, there was a thunder clap and a bright light appeared, a momentous happening had taken place, a decision had been made; yes I said a DECISION.
The Dinnington comedians would send a letter of protest to the borough comedians about them taking 30 minutes off the time our library is open. It was pointed out that ours is the second highest used library in the borough, and our comedians were some what put out that an under used library at Aston should be given longer opening hours, it is amazing what we Smiths can achieve, although I hasten to add, no relation.