Comedy Club Reporter – Bland Comedy Club of Dinnington

I, and that finest of hecklers, Mr Lewis attended the Bland Comedy Club of Dinnington last night. The final performance before the summer break, and what a performance the blandness knew no bounds.

Unless of course you can take joy from that seasoned comedian Warbling Wardle whose mantra has become, “nothing to do with us that is R.M.B.C business”.  This is used to fend off any unwanted question that might require an answer or decision.

I, in my capacity as comedy reporter, felt the need to ask a question of the assembled comedians:

Do the comedians feel it is right for the Dinnington club to have a comedian who is a member of the Woodsetts club, the Dinnington club and also the biggest comedy club of all Rotherham Borough?  Or do they feel as I do that this is an affront to democracy?

This question briefly animated the warbler, he shook his head at me several times whilst trying to find a way to use his well worn mantra.  Having failed in his efforts he then blurted out that afore mentioned comedian was a Borough comedian for all of our area.  This brought to mind that well known saying, no shit sherlock.

My rejoinder that this was not the question I had in fact asked brought more shaking of the head.  When I pointed out that if a person has a foot in two camps when it comes to decision making then that person would have a dichotomy.  This brought a short interlude whilst they tied to find the meaning of the word, having failed the chair decided to throw into the fray the said comedian; this being I have a turnip named after me Tweed (prepare for the slings and arrows of Toxophilus).  He began by listing the things he is involved in, in Dinnington which thus, according to him, proves his loyalty to Dinnington.

The question what about your loyalty to Woodsetts? fell on deaf ears.  The chair said it was the system that allowed this to happen.  When I pointed out that they chose the candidates and so were culpable, she said it was obvious they were never going to be able answer my question to my satisfaction.  Mr Lewis, that finest of hecklers, stepped in and shouted “you could at least try”.

Ah well on to the real important and interesting stuff, dog faeces,  no you have not misread I said dog faeces.  There followed a heated debate on this sticky subject, it even allowed the warbler to trot out his mantra;  this is nothing to do with us it is R.M.B.C.  It is if tha stands in it heckled Mr lewis, and I am sure you will all know that the outcome was, make no decision.

I was somewhat surprised when one of the comedians, whilst sat beside two Borough comedians, one of witch was an ugly sister; asked if some one from the borough could come and explain the Local Development Framework.  Doesn’t really show much faith in ones fellow comedians does it?

Once again the Bernard Manning of the bland comedy club, Mr Tweed, stepped up to the microphone.  We and our fellow borough comedians from the Anston comedy club along with Kevin Barron M.P. are going to have a meeting with a couple of the top R.M.B.C comedians to put our case.  This brought forth a flush to the cheeks of the warbler, he did not want us mixing with the Anston comedians.  He felt that they may taint our comedians because they supported de brethren building on our green belt land.  He was so agitated by this thought that he proposed that Dinnington should re-iterate its opposition to the plan, this was seconded but of course no vote was taken because this would have meant a decision being made.

Just before Mr Lewis and myself left, there was a thunder clap and a bright light appeared, a momentous happening had taken place, a decision had been made; yes I said a DECISION.

The Dinnington comedians would send a letter of protest to the borough comedians about them taking 30 minutes off the time our library is open.  It was pointed out that ours is the second highest used library in the borough, and our comedians were some what put out that an under used library at Aston should be given longer opening hours, it is amazing what we Smiths can achieve, although I hasten to add, no relation.

Dave Smith

Mrs Overall’s Acorn Antiques – Parish Council Meeting 18th June 2012 – Olympic Edition!

ACORN  ANTIQUES

Parish Council Meeting  –  18 June 2012

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In the run up to the Olympics

Make sure you have your go faster stripes on
Get ready – On your marks, get set, Goooooooooooooooooooooo
And they are off – Little discussion – Just reading through the agenda
Are they practicing for the Olympics , must be they have  broken the 100metre dash.

Q Didn’t Beck say last time he was not going to have discussion, to save time
A Yes – But – Just let us wait and see
Q Reminiscent of old times with yesterday’s men?
A Ooooh yes   –   And look what happened to them

Pistol fired – Pistol fired again – Another false start – Offenders back to the blocks
Race restarted  – they are off again –
Late entrant coming up on the inside

A Member of the Public – ex Parish Councillor (Labour)
“I was a bit surprised to learn that the grass cutting contract had been awarded to Cllr Baker,  I am not suggesting he had prior knowledge (we think you are) certainly he could have had more favourable access in his application for the contract.  I wonder why the grass cutting is not being done in-house?”

Q Does the Parish Council have the equipment for maintaining large grassed areas or the space to store such equipment.
A NO
Q Are the parish workers fully employed
A Of course they are
Q Doesn’t she know RMBC have cut the grass cutting budget throughout the Borough
A Well wouldn’t you think she would!  Being a  Labour supporter, she most likely supports the policy.

Mmmmmmmmmmmmmm – Not a well thought out question – Is she still a magistrate?  Hope she thinks her decisions out more clearly.

The Chairman, Booming Beck (Labour):-  Discussions and any possible implications had taken place

Cllr Thornton (Independent)   “ Can I assure you everything was above board, he was not present in any of the discussions.

The member of the public:  “I take on board what you say and I think it was a very unwise thing to do.”
Q Was it all  above board
A  Well it most certainly seems so.

Whoops – stepped out of lane – immediate disqualification
Independents coming up strongly

No 29 Bus Service

This service has been withdrawn and understandably members of the public are upset and concerned.

Cllr Burton implied the cuts were due to privatisation and harked back to a time when the services were much better.
Q Is she wearing rose tinted glasses
A Must be – the services always left a lot to be desired prior to privatisation

Contestant stumbles and cheats by catching the bus!
Another disqualfication

Gardeners Question Time – Part 1

Weeds are Growing says Cllr Brindley
Q Oh deary dear, well they do don’t they and where is this tragedy happening
A In the gulleys and gutters of South Anston
Q Well aren’t they growing everywhere
A Yeah they are
Speed up, revving like Billy Ho – and like a flash – in comes Cllr Dalton I will take that up with RMBC
Q Now just a minute, Was this a set up so that Cllr Dalton could yet again wrest parish matters and take them to the Borough
A Well they are bezzy mates

Oh Ho Ho Ho Cllr Jepson (Independent) quick out of the blocks and over the hurdle – He had already enquired about this problem and the use of the street cleaning vehicles and GUESS WHAT FOLKES – There are the 3 vehicles for use in the Borough – Soon to be reduced to 2  –  Oh dear what a disaster  –

First out of the blocks takes the trophy.

Gardeners Question Time – Part 2

Oh Dear Another Tragedy – Cllr Brindley – Grass is growing on the grassed areas at the cross roads
Booming Beck – That’s RMBC Land

Oh deary deary deary – That is 2 questions about RMBC issues  – I do wonder why!!
Surely we are there to discuss parish council issues – Surely time wasted on RMBC issues prevents the parish issues being discussed.

Disqualified from the race for two false starts

Code of Conduct

Councillors were asked to accept RMBC’s Code of Conduct at the last Finance Meeting.
The full council was asked to ratify this at the Parish Council Meeting

Q Was it pointed out that the Standards Committee does not exist at present
A Yes
Q Was it pointed out that nobody knows what the make up or constitution is going to be
A Yes
Q Was it pointed out that no rules are finalised
A Yes
Q Was it pointed out the pecuniary interest rules have not been published
A Yes

So what did the vote produce:-
Acceptance of a non-existing committee!!
Acceptance of a non-existing committee membership!!
Acceptance of non-existing rules!!
Acceptance of non-existing pecuniary interests!!
Ain’t this another = Buggers Muddle
Well it is Anston Parish Council ain’t it!!

All competitors wearing red socks disqualified

Independents – On the home stretch and chests out for the white tape

CROSSED THE LINE BREACHED THE TAPE
AND THE WINNER IS ——– Certainly not the people of Anston!

All puffed out – Gasping for air – Can’t get my breath!

Goodnight All

Mrs Overall

Mrs Overall’s Acorn Antiques – 18 June 2012 Finance Committee

Mrs Overall’s Acorn Antiques

18 June 2012 Finance Committee
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Welcome to Martin Crowther – New Chair – At last! Someone who understands finance.

No Agendas available for the public
Q Why on earth not
A The clerk was asked
Q What did he say
A Well he mumbled a couple. of times (totally inaudible)
Then shouted to the public it is an omission. Can you hear me now
Wow clear and loud – so the mumbling is deliberate?

Cllr Martin Crowther the Chair
Q Wasn’t he absent when he was voted as Chair
A Yes
Q Thought you had to be present
A Well yu know – It is Anston Parish Council
Q How did he do
A A bit nervous and a bit rushing
Q Think he will improve
A Sure

Previous Minutes:

Cllr Thornton (Independent) asked that the minutes be changed by resolution.
They were not a true record of events AGAIN.  The final two lines of the minute were proposed to be deleted.
The Labour party plus Independent Labour voted against the proposal thus leaving the inaccurate recording in the minutes.

Q Why did councillors vote to retain minutes that were untrue
A Come off it – yu know it’s Anston Parish Council –
Q Is this a new thing
A Oh goodness no – integrity – forget it – this is the umpteenth time they have voted to
keep untrue recordings in the minutes. They don’t record what happened but what they would like to have happened.

INTEGRITY!      INTEGRITY!       INTEGRITY!   Get a dictionary and understand the definition councillors

Booming Booming Beck  – Why was he shouting “Move we accept the Minutes”
Waaaaait a minute –
Q   Wasn’t he chairing the previously meeting
A   Most definitely
Q   Wouldn’t he know the minutes were untrue
A   Most definitely

SO – Our newly elected Chair of the Parish Council is willing to condone the false recording of minutes. Shouting “Move we accept the Minutes” To cover his mistakes!

INTEGRITY!   INTEGRITY!   INTEGRITY!  Get a dictionary and understand the definition Chairman

Awards Evening aka  The Parish Council Bun Fight

When the question of the costs of this freebie for councillors came up guess what Cllr Judy Dalton said “I do not eat anything at this and I try very hard not to listen to the music”

No sarcasm then Cllr Dalton!   oink oink

Booming Beck “I would ask Clive (Jepson, Independent) not to mutter under his breath when I am speaking”

Q Was this bun fight, the one the good socialists voted for us, the ratepayer, to pay for them and
their partners
A Yes
Q How much do taxpayers have to cough up for their bun fight each year
A £1,000
Q Have they increased charges to children’s groups this year
A Oooooooh Yes
Q Have they reduced the bun fight budget
A Ooooooooh no  –    snouts in trough oink oink

INTEGRITY!   INTEGRITY!   INTEGRITY!   Get a dictionary and you know the rest

On the recorded vote when Cllr Jepson (Independent) abstained
Q Why did Booming Beck insult him saying “Councillor Jepson is a disgrace”
A  And this from someone who’se integrity has been questioned, see above,
Q Is it acceptable for the Chairman to comment on peoples voting method –
A NO –  Trying to influence councillors decisions in this manner is bullying.
Q Is the Chairman getting too big for his boots
A You Bet – should listen to more experience councillors

INTEGRITY!   INTEGRITY!   INTEGRITY!   Get a dictionary and look up bullying

Quiz Night:

Q Is this another freebie
A Yes
Q Is it open to all taxpayers
A NO – just the same old lot
Q What does it cost us the taxpayer
A  Around £300
Q Is a private club profiting
A You Bet
Q How
A Bar Sales
Q Was it proposed to send letters out to all Anston public houses asking if they wanted to
participate
A Yes to make it more fair this year, finally!

Well councillors the new Standards Regime starts on the 1 July 2012 –  Aint that gonna be interesting!

INTEGRITY!   INTEGRITY!   INTEGRITY!

Goodnight All, with Probity, Honesty etc.,
Mrs Overall

Darren Hughes – The Return! featuring in a cameo role that star of THT, your very own Cllr Jahangir Akhtar!

The plot so far:

A committed Tory jumps ship to oust long serving Labour activist, having managed to hoodwink the great Leader our Z list star takes on the sham role of an Anston Councillor while all the time in talks with a secret sect.

To avoid detection of his continued Tory allegiances our star avoids any contact with the locals while all the time creaming in the gold coins.

All is not lost!

He underestimates the locals and Darren falls from grace, is this the end for our undercover Tory?

Fear not pantomime fans, waiting in the wings is no other than that man of whispers Cllr Akhtar, yes our so called man of the people, and yes the very same man who now refuses to respond to blogs!

“Darren a safe seat awaits Stone says that it is yours; he has told the Rawmarsh lot you’re the man!”

Keep glad handing those myopic Cllr chumps, go to their events, stick up as many posters as you want and all will be well.

And what do I want in return, your vote for Leader!

It sounds like a pantomime because it is, at the centre of this farce is Cllr Akhtar and his design to become Leader, interestingly when challenged over the decision to award Darren the Rawmarsh seat Jahangir fails to stand up for democracy and goes with the flow.

Don’t fall for it good people of Rawmarsh and Parkgate, select your own candidate.

Cerberus

As I was falling asleep, it came to me! Has anything changed?

Former Chief Commissar, now Supreme Chief Commissar of Rotherham, Roger Stone,  local Politburo chief and self styled ‘Dear Leader’ is said to be ‘basking in Labour’s local election results’ and is claiming to everyone who will listen that theirs was a ‘truly historic victory of monumental proportions and is a total vindication of his vision for the future’.

I am now able to bring you his leaked communication to the faithful citizens of Rotherham. Despite it’s contents being a State secret our ‘Dear Leader’ assures me he won’t have me sent to the Gulag this time, as secretly, he really wants you to know about his most magnificent recent electoral achievements and the Politburos selfless approach to public service.

Supreme Chief Commissar, Roger Stone, Rotherham’s ‘Dear Leader’. Basking in Victory, speaks to his people.

My People! (I like that one, I got it from the odious MacShane in ’97, thinking about it, haven’t seen much of him since then?) Your votes have proved once again that Labour in Rotherham is an invincible force at the ballot box and the old maxim that a donkey could get elected with the right colour rosette stuck on it, is as true today, as it ever was.

All our candidates won, except for the ones that didn’t that is, some voters even actually voted themselves in person this year, because of the General Election.

Our local government campaign was breathtaking in conception and has never been bettered, by doing almost no campaigning at all, we caught the voters off guard and surprised them at the last minute into voting for us.

I would like to congratulate the thousands of volunteers that responded to the call and delivered this masterful campaign of almost complete inaction. Hero of the Revolution second class, has been awarded to comrade Chester, who dreamed it all up, but of course I had already thought of it first as your ‘Dear Leader’ is infallible, just like our spiritual father and still overall leader, the ‘Great Leader’ Layden, who is running things behind the scenes although we don’t see much of him these days.

The counter-revolutionary capitalist Tories have been routed!

Long live the Revolution! Long live the Rotherham Soviet! Long live Comrade Supreme Chief Commissar, our ‘Dear Leader’ Roger Stone, Hero of the Revolution First Class and our ‘Great Leader’ Layden, now departed but still running things, Hero of the Revolution First, First Class. Rejoice! Rejoice! Rejoice!

I can assure you, ‘My People’, that all your Politburo members are unanimous in being prepared to continue enduring the endless functions, dinners and conferences and the beer, wine, spirits and numerous other alcoholic beverages that we have to drink, so you don’t have to. Our Rotherham Alcohol Treatment And Reduction Strategic Enterprise Development (RATARSED) Programme is working well, it is our commitment to you, that over a ten year plan period we will have reduced the harm done by alcohol in our communities because we will be drinking it ourselves instead. The ten year plan calls for the Politburo to be making it’s contribution by upping it’s alcohol consumption from 25% to 35% in five years and a full 50% in ten years of the towns overall consumption. A truly public spirited and selfless act by the Politburo, you will agree, don’t forget, I know where you live, all of you, so do as I say!

We are the most ‘public spirited’ of all the ‘Peoples Soviets’ of the North and reject the counter-revolutionary approach of  ‘Cameron the Slash & Burn’ and his Liberal sycophant supporters of the reviled ‘Clegg the Turncoat’. They may be able to walk to work or travel second class but we can’t, largely down to the amount of selfless drinking we do on your behalf.

Before I close I want to reassure you that any ‘financial realignments’ (Cuts to you and me) will cause us much pain and anguish to us, as they will to you. I would again reassure you that the Politburo will not be sharing any of the pain you will have, if for no other reason than that given above,  largely down to the amount of selfless drinking we do on your behalf.

Onwards and upwards comrades, man the bars (surely barricades?) let’s get on with ‘business as usual’.

Finally, I have a new maxim for you all, ‘No cuts, No redundancies celebrate re-alignment and leave it with me’! Sing it in the bath, I insist that all ‘My People’ shout this twice a day at the top of their voices………………

At this point I woke up and thoughts of North Korea combined with Rotherham disappeared as soon as they came.

Rik

First published May 2010, still has a lot of resonance today!

Mrs Overall’s Acorn Antiques – 6th June 2012

ACORN  ANTIQUES – 6 June 2012
It’s Jubilee
Don’t wave your flags – there is nothing to celebrate about the majority of this lot

Finance Meeting
Election of New Chairman of the Finance Committee
Q   Is it normal practice for the outgoing Chairperson to open the first meeting of the new session.
A   Yes
Q   SO  – Why did Judith Dalton NOT do it
A   Done deal
Q   When Cllr Beck asked for nominations for the new Chair, why did Cllr Dalton immediately look at Cllr Brindley,  aka  Poison Ivy.  (Independent? Labour!)
A   Don’t think you need to tell us, but go on, for the sake of completeness
Q   So what happened next
A   Ah!  Poison Ivy immediately came in and nominated Martin Crowther
Q   Was he present
A   No
Q   Done deal?
A   Must have been – Elected in his absence and apparently accepted in his absence

SO WHAT DO YOU THINK GOOD PEOPLE  –  Done Deal?

Vice Chair – Cllr Beck Elected – SO now he is Chair of the Parish, Chair of the Charity,          Vice Chair of the Finance Committee.

Not bad for someone who has attended no more than 12 Parish Council Meetings!!!!!
And is only 19 years old!

Declarations of Interest
Cllrs Bridges & Dalton both declared a non-pecuniary interest in a planning application for Greenlands School.
NOW STEADY ON GIRLS  – Don’t get ahead of yourselves the new declarations of interest,
Pecuniary and Non-Pecuniary, have not been established yet.
REMEMBER – You are both governors of Greenlands School, in positions of control therefore you should have left the room WHEN REMINDED TO DO SO – YOU IGNORED THE ADVICE – NAUGHTY, very NAUGHTY.  Not setting a good example to the children. YOU MUST PAY MORE ATTENTION TO YOUR LESSONS.

Old Library
Q   Why does Cllr Dalton – and others in the Labour Party press so hard to keep this drain on parish finances?
A    You tell us. It’s costing taxpayers thousands of £’s per year to keep this empty building.
Q   Will they put a realistic plan forward
A   They have already rejected one submitted by an Independent Councillor!
Q    WHO’S INTEREST ARE THIS LOT WORKING IN
A     Not those of the parish that’s for sure

Skate Park Working Group
Tra Laaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa  Roll of Thunder  –  Enter Stage Left  –  Iain St.John who rejected Skate Park Observation Report submitted by Working Party Chairman, Stuart Thornton.
Q   Was Iain St.John complaining
A   Yes and bitterly.
Q   Why
A    Wanting different dates for the Skate Park W Group meeting.
Q    Was it Cllr St.John who requested the group to inspect the equipment
A    Yes
Q    Did he partake in discussions on the equipment
A    OH NO – He stood at the other side of the Skate Park on his own. (Billy No Mates?)
Q    Why does he want alternate dates for meetings
A    ‘Cos he goes to the operatics on this night
Q    Why should parish matters be arranged around Iain St John’s social life?
A    Of course they should not
Independent Councillor told him – MAKE THE CHOICE – OPERATICS OR THE PEOPLE OF ANSTON

Grass Verges outside, Azalea Close,  Allotment Gates
Poison Ivy is upset because grass has spilled on to the footpath around the gate.
Oh!  How sad.
Q  Who owns the land
A  RMBC
Q  Has she been in touch with Rotherham
A  No idea – Why bother us with it, it’s not Parish Council land.
Q  Where does she live
A  Oh on Azalea Close
Q  Is that Self Interest – Or What
A   As you say Another waste of parish council time

Anston Cemetery
Shhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh  –  It’s a secret – If you make a complaint i.e. about grass cutting and the non working fountain (which has cost the taxpayer over £3,000) –
They don’t want you to know – They put it into secret session. Ssssssssssssssssh
Q   Why, what is secret about grass cutting
A    Nuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuurthing

Anston Village Green
Shhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh  –  It’s another secret – Another complaint about grass cutting – They don’t want you to know – They put it into secret session. Sssssssssssssssssssssssssssh
Q   Why what is so secret about this grass cutting (again)
A    Nuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuthing

Q   Why were Iain St.John, Judy Dalton and The Chairman (Dominic Beck) SO ADAMANT this was to be shuffled into secret session (Smacks of the East German Stasi)
A   Nothing secret about grass cutting – It was all about the two personalities making the complaints.  Plotting against parishioners?

Winter snow clearance
It seems RMBC want the parish council to store 20kg bags of chemicals to distribute around the village in winter.
Q   Where did they decide to store this
A   Computer says –  They Don’t Knooooooooooow
Q   Did some bright spark suggest  –  At The Top of Crowgate
A   YES – Until it was pointed out this was at the top of a hill!!!!!!!!!! duuuuuur
Q   Who is going to distribute this
A   Computer says – They Don’t Knooooooooooooooooow
Q   How much is it going to cost
A   Computer says – They Don’t Knooooooooooooooooow
Q   Did the Labour Party think it to be a very good idea
A   It would appear they did
Q   Are they going to go round snow shovelling
A   Oh yeeeeeeeeer   –   Well what do you think

Code of Conduct
NALC  National Association of Local Councils
Tra  La Larrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr  Roll of Thunder – Enter Stage Left – Iain St.John
“I move  we accept this Code of Conduct”
Q   Has he read it
A   Just wait and see dear reader
Chairman Beck begins to talk about Rotherham Standards Committee.  Nothing to do with NALC you understand.

Independent councillor, Stuart Thornton, explaining, in depth that RMBC had not finalised the Standards Committee nor the Rules
Q   Had he been to a meeting at the Town Hall re this topic
A   Oh yes
Q   SO  Why did they not listen to him
A   Because Chairman Cllr Dominic Beck had his own agenda
Q   What was that
A   Just to accept RMBC’s Standards Committee
Q  Did he explain to those present that the format for the Standards Committee has not been formalised nor the rules on interests
A  NO Of course not his agenda took pride of place!
Q  Weren’t there two proposals on the Table
A  Yes
Q  What happened then
A  Well he ignored both of them and introduced his own proposal and put it to the vote
Q  Was it carried
A   Yes Red Socks and their friend Independent Labour!

What a Buggers Muddle – Passed a resolution to accept RMBC’s standards and they have not even been written yet!!  Done Deal  –  Oh another!  But this one is a bit previous.
Take note dear reader – Iain St.John (the dinosaur) making no effort to understand the matter just let’s vote – saves having to bother to read and inwardly digest and if we don’t get our way – Well just bawl and shout

Standards Committee Parish Representative
Two Nominations before the P Council
One who upholds standards, the other who has consistently failed to declare Prejudicial Interests –
Q  SO  Who do you think they voted for
A  DO you need to ask.  It was John Thomas Ireland, the hapless and hopeless ex PC Chairman – Well the Red Socks wouldn’t want anyone with competence or integrity to represent Anston Parish Council would they.  Would show most of them up.

Tweet tweet –  Little birdie says– The new Parish Council Chairman, Dominic Beck, stated quite categorically after the meeting, that in future councillors will not be able to discuss items at length.
Democracy – Don’t be daft – It’s Anston Parish (Stasi) Council

(Loads more to report shhhhhhhhhhhhhhh   Stasi state secret.)

Goodnight All
Mrs Overall

Mrs Overall’s Acorn Antiques Part Two – Anston Parish Council Meeting 21 May 2012

ACORN ANTIQUES

ANSTON PARISH COUNCIL MEETING:  21 May 2012

There was a welcome to newly elected Independent Borough Councillor – Clive Jepson. The welcome came from a member of the public – Something that the Chairman obviously forgot to announce!!!

New Chairman – Dominic Beck! Thank Goodness – About Time – Sigh of relief
Now Watch this space to see how this 19 year old Chairman performs.
Q   Will he be fair – Will he bring his colleagues to account when they misbehave
A   Let us watch wait and see

Election of Vice Chair:  Judy Dalton obviously likes this position, nominated every year
NOTE:   Labour take over complete

Surprise Resignation
Ex Chairman John Thomas Ireland even stepping down from the Finance Committee – The Loyal Trooper’s profits in for a boost?

To Agree Chairman’s Allowance
A proposal put to abolish this – It is very rarely spent and certainly not on allowances.
Q   Did all the Labour Members vote to keep this
A   You bet
Q   Why
A   Well don’t you remember? – They are saving up for a Chairman’s chain!
Q   Don’t we have another Buggers Muddle
A   Yes
Q   Surely – Play School fees reduced, not increased and giving grants to local groups takes priority
A   Well you would think so – well wouldn’t you?

Look after the community councillors and not yourselves.

From the Public Question Time

The Village Green

The WI Jubliee Oak Tree
The oak tree planted to commemorate the WI 60 year anniversary is in a sad state.
The leader has been vandalised and the tree is not growing symmetrically
The Parish Council promised the WI that it would replace the sapling should it be vandalised.
They now appear to be dragging their heels.
Q   Was this oak sapling planted properly
A   No
Q  Was this sapling given the care it should have had
A  No
Q  Was an adequate tree guard put in place
A  No
Q  Did a tree guard eventually appear
A  Yes ages after, inadequate height and cemented in disregarding the tree roots
Let us watch wait and see – keep you posted folks

Bench
Q  Was it repainted last year
A  Oh No – it was not repainted last year
Q  Was the Parish Council told
A  Yes they were a number of times
Q  Did they do anything about it
A  Do they ever
Q  Who checks and signs the work off
A  Don’t be daft, this is Anston Parish Council
Q  Surely it should be the clerk
A  The clerk – he is hardly ever here – Don’t like being in Anston
Q  Surely a waste of our money
A  Oh yes – Anston Parish Council have a history of wasting public money
Q  Do you think other profligacy will come to light
A  Oh yes Oh yes Oh yes – time is no barrier – keep watching folks

Dog Bin
Q  Will there be a dog bin on the village green
A   NO
Q  Why
A  Because there is no money to pay RMBC staff to empty it
Q  Did our RMBC Cllrs tell us of these cuts to services
A  NO just like the other cuts they haven’t told us about
Q  But don’t councillors spend money on lots of jollies
A  Ah well that is different!!!
Q  Have they just voted 1st Class travel if going to London
A  I do believe so!
Q  So we just go on getting dog mess around the place
A  Well two spray on signs have just been redone
Q  Oh! The ones that only last a week or so
A  Those are the ones
Q  How cost effective is this then
A  Well you tell me

So is it dog s..t on the Village Green, do s..t on your shoes so what do you think of these explanations…………………!

Overall!  A rather pleasant meeting – let’s hope it lasts – It will be watched and progress reported on.

Goodnight A……………………ll    Whoops slipped on the dog s..t
Mrs Overall

Mrs Overall’s Acorn Antiques Part One – Anston Annual Parish Meeting 21 May 2012

ACORN ANTIQUES – 21  MAY 2012

ANSTON  ANNUAL  PARISH  MEETING  –  This is not a Parish Council Meeting.

It is a Parish Meeting for every elector in Anston.  Electors can attend and vote on items affecting the Parish.  The councillors have to sit with the public.  The public is divided into Electors (of the Parish) and Strangers.  Strangers ARE NOT ELECTORS and are not allowed to SPEAK AND VOTE.

The Chairman opened the meeting and emphasised that only Parish Electors were allowed to speak and vote.  He then referred to the previous Minutes – Hey guess what – The councillors, including  Strangers! had been given copies BUT none were available for the Electors.

Another Buggers Muddle – situation normal.

The Electors were demanding copies of the Minutes, at this point Mr Stonebridge (councillor) suggested the meeting be postponed.  The Electors who had purposely turned out for this meeting – disagreed.  The Chairman asked for a show of hands – Stay and wait for copies – or Go.  The Electorate  overwhelmingly voted to proceed with the meeting and for copies to be produced.

The Chairman’s Annual Report
LET US MAKE SURE – That next year the Annual Parish Report is about the Parish and NOT The Parish Council.

Matters Discussed:

Building of Private Church & School on our Green Belt Land
Interestingly, the Chairman, John Ireland, appeared to be the Brethren’s Planning
Spokesman and backed this application all the way.

Well here is another revelation:  The Chairman told the meeting he had presented prizes to the Brethren’s pupils – He attended this event in his capacity as Chairman of Anston Parish Council,  yet failed to declare this on any discussions at council meetings, when the Brethren had submitted planning applications.

Q  Were Parish Councillors aware of this
A  It appears not
Q  Was he biased
A  Certainly – The Electors were groaning, it was so obvious

The Electors voted to ask the Parish Council to object to any future planning applications By The Brethren on Green Belt Land.

The Local Development Framework (Building of Houses on Greenbelt)
Topic discussed by Electors – They were overwhelmingly against building on Green Belt Land.
Q  Do we have to keep our eye on RMBC grabbing extra Green Belt Land (to bank this for the future)
A  You bet your bottom dollar we do
Q  Do Electors need to attend the next consultation in November
A  YES YES YES and YES.  Protect our Green Belt

Free Use of the Parish Hall by RMBC Councillors
RMBC Councillors have previously voted themselves the free use of the Parish Hall for their surgeries.  All other venues – South Anston, North Anston and Woodsetts – all have to be paid for.
The WI have to pay, the children’s Play School has to pay (for which they have increased the charges this year) All other groups have to pay – WHY THEN should these overpaid & under worked Borough Councillors get the Parish Hall for free?

Railway Bridges
What a mess they now look with the huge Day Glo stickers – Everyone was in agreement that this was an eyesore.  The Electors asked that the Parish Council write to Network Rail to complain.

Did you know – That it is quite possible that double decker buses, which have run through the village and under the bridge for years, are going to be stopped – Suddenly the double decker buses will not go under the bridge.  Lot’s of rain lately – Has the bridge shrunk?

Strangers
Why did the Stranger i.e. Cllr Iain St.John, deliberately flaunt the rules by trying to influence the meeting.  AND  Why when told he could not speak by the Chairman and many other Electors, did he continue to try to speak over the Electors.

The Chairman had made it quite clear that only Electors could speak – A blatant and deliberate act by Cllr St.John who lives outside the parish to try to disrupt the meeting.

It was at this point that a member of the public – An Elector – got up and left the meeting.

Maybe this says it all!

THIS IS THE MEETING OF THE PARISH ELECTORS,
NO MINUTES PRODUCED, HOW THE CLERK DOES NEGLECT US,
CHAOTIC SCENES, THE CHAIRMAN BEMUSED,
ELECTORS LEFT FEELING VERY CONFUSED,
WAITING WHILST MINUTES ARE FINALLY RUN OFF,
FIASCO – QUITE NORMAL – THE ELECTORS DO SCOFF,
FIRST TIME THEY’VE DONE THIS “CORRECTLY” YOU KNOW!
MINUTES PRODUCED – THEN ON WITH THE SHOW,
IAIN ST. JOHN, AN ALIEN IS HE,
NO SPEAKING ALLOWED, BUT WHAT DO WE SEE,
ST. JOHN, NOT SO SAINTLY, IGNORING THE RULES,
ANSTON ELECTORS, DON’T TAKE US FOR FOOLS,
ALLOWING THIS MAN TO BUTT IN AND SHOUT,
ELECTORS WERE CALLING TO HAVE HIM TURNED OUT,
MAYBE NEXT YEAR THEY’LL GET IT DONE RIGHT,
THEN IT WILL BE, A REPRESENTATIVE NIGHT,
HOW MANY YEARS, HAVE OLD BOYS, NOT BEEN CORRECT?
25, MORE? – SUITED THEIR PURPOSE ? – WE SUSPECT.
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Remember electors for next year:  –  You can put items on the Agenda that are of interest/concern to you  –  Contact the Clerk.

Sorry to be late folks – only just stopped laughing at the Buggers Muddle

Goodnight All – Mrs Overall

Wales Parish Council – Another member of the Comedy Club!

More observations from Wales Parish Council by Anteggs:

Once upon a time there was a Parish Council which did not have a clerk.

Lets use one of our own for a while they cried.

This they did for nearly a year, mistake after mistake they made.

It’s time to get our very own Parish Clerk they decided.

They placed advertisements – one in the job centre which they decided would have a closing date of 27th April 2012 and one on Rotherham Borough Council’s site with a closing date of 30th April 2012.
They also placed some flyer’s around the village. The contributor does not know the closing date of this one but it may even be 2013 – one never knows.

The advert asked for a Financial Officer NOT a Parish Clerk =- horror of horrors – WPC received over 100 replies.

Could that be because NO-WHERE on the advert did it say the candidates should have local government procedure knowledge?

Perhaps not because WPC are not well versed in local government procedures themselves – in fact they generally ignore them.

Maybe they thought anyone they employed could also ignore them – No point in spoiling a good thing with such trivialities as law and good governance.

Anyway it is now the 26th of MAY 2012 and they still have not even got round to a shortlist and god forbid anyway near interviews.
They haven’t even sent information packs with job specification or description out to any potential candidates.

Mind you they did pay £250 for a consultant to draw up a job specification which they have not used. As far as I am aware to date NO other councillor but (acting clerk/chairman knowevenless) has even seen it.
A further addition to the waste of the ratepayers of Wales and Kiveton Park.

No doubt WPC will continue to blunder along making mistake after mistake, acting illegally and generally deserving the title ‘Dibley Parish Council’

Will this story have a happy ending – probably not

I really do wonder what ‘callmedave’ (the real one) is playing at when he thinks that Parish Councils are capable of running more community services.

More will no doubt come from the keyboard of the contributor as time marches on…………..

Our thanks for this comedic piece go to Anteggs, who left this as a comment, but it was simply too good to miss!

First News From Wales Parish Council

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This first reflection on Wales Parish Council from Anteggs:

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How NOT to elect a chairman !!!

Wales Parish Council held their annual meeting last night (laughs)

The retiring Chairperson Fran (knownowt) Blanksby asked for nominations

The Acting Clerk Cllr Mike Brabbs (knowevenless) was nominated & sec

Cllr Keith Bamforth was nominated & sec

Fran (knownowt) Blanksby then decided that the two nominees give an election speech – on what they would do for WPC. (laughs)

This contributor always thought that the Chairpersons role was to oversee that the wishes of the WHOLE COUNCIL were carried out. Not act unilaterally (Not in Wales apparently)

After their speeches they were then instructed to leave the room (gets even better) (make their own rules do WPC)

They were then invited back and told the outcome of the vote. Democracy? What a set of numpties.

Did the acting clerk tell them that this is not the way to elect a chairman? Did the acting clerk tell them that candidates can vote for themselves?

NO NO NO  don’t be silly reader.

One of the candidates Cllr Bamforth said he was entitled to vote, Chairperson Knownowt said he wasn’t.  Are you all laughing yet?

The election of a Vice Chair was even better

Cllr Paul Martin was one of the nominees but Cllr Knownowt said he couldn’t stand BECAUSE he hadn’t been a member of WPC for a year.

Did the acting clerk tell her differently ?

NO he did not

You couldn’t make it up!

This is what CallmeDave wants to give more power to.

Rotherham Politics welcomes Anteggs first contribution from Wales PC. We very much hope it will not be the last, thank you!

A great deal of money is spent, wasted and misused at Parish Councils all around Rotherham, you too can play a part in exposing this, then changing things for the better. If this is all too familiar to you, let us know. Rothpol.

Parish Councils in Rotherham are frequently very poorly administered because no one knows how they should be run, the documents available below, put that right:

Model Contract of Employment and Job Description Parish Council Clerks                         Model Code of Conduct for Parish Councils
Model Standing Orders for Parish Councils
Model Complaints Procedure for Parish Councils
Model Financial Regulations for Parish Councils
Model Audit Procedure for Parish Councils

Requirements for being a Quality Parish Council, well worth a read: http://www.communities.gov.uk/documents/localgovernment/pdf/155163.pdf